5 Signs She Has Emotional Baggage
Most men have run into women who've been hurt by men in the past and carry psychological damage and unresolved anger into their new relationships. Sometimes these women are still reeling from a bad break-up, a negative experience with a man and even physical abuse. Here are some signs that you're dealing with women with emotional baggage.
1. She avoids you for no reason
With women like this, it's always one step forward and 20 steps back. She will show interest in you and then suddenly become unavailable. You won't hear from her again for weeks, then out of nowhere, she'll reappear with a big smile on her face, ready to take up where you both left off like nothing ever happened.
2. The nicer you are, the faster she'll run
She reacts emotionally to the hurt in her past. She has all the normal urges to be with a good man, and truly wants to have a successful relationship, but as soon as her emotions are aroused, she gets scared of your niceness and runs away --usually right back into the arms of yet another emotionally-unavailable man who will only cause her more pain and heartache.
3. She says one thing and does another
A woman with emotional baggage will tell you that she loves you and that she has so much respect for you. Then she'll start treating you like crap, starting fights with you and screaming at you for no apparent reason. She'll tell you she's wants a commitment and wants the two of you to be together forever, then she'll cheat on you out of nowhere. If she gives off mixed signals like these, you can't take a woman like this at her at her word; You can only judge her on her actions.
4. She's a man hater
5. She has a history of being abused
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The most important in the relationship or the household is a mutual understanding between husband and wife, get rid of selfish attitude and feels most right.
I've been in a relationship with a girl like this for nearly 6 months. But in reality, we've known each other for a couple years. The signs listed above describe her every move. She's even told me herself she's afraid and feels emotionally vulnerable. I've tried nearly everything to assure her that I can be trusted.
My question is, is there anything that I can do to not only help her open up emotionally, but to feel secure about our relationship?
Advice anyone?
Hi, May 18, 2012 "Anonymous" my suggestion is to retain your own boundaries, but be loving and kind. The best thing you can do is build trust with her day by day. If you say you are going to call, then call. If you say you are going to show up at a certain time, be there at that time. If she cries or gets upset, encourage her to talk it out with you.
The thing is, she has to be willing to take responsibility for her own past, all her hurt, mistrust, and pain. It's very challenging to do, but it is something that only she can do, although of course you can support her by being there for here when you say you will be, and listening to her when she's upset.
That said, don't ever let yourself be mistreated. It's not okay for her feelings and "baggage" to translate into unkindness towards you (i.e. cheating, totally losing control of her anger and being verbally/emotionally abusive, etc. etc).
All I can say is, it's not an easy road if you come from a damaged place to truly trust men don't want to hurt you, and use you in every possibly way they can. I'm learning that's not the case from my excellent boyfriend, but in the process I take the time to make sure that I am never unkind to him because of where I've been in the past. The most important thing you can do is communicate. The real work of healing is up to her.
Good article but I think #5 is going a little too far.
It's kind of like victimizing the victim. Not everyone who has been through the trauma/pain of abuse winds up being a messed up basket case. Stereotypes like that just add to the shame of being an abuse survivor IMHO.
There are plenty of people who've been in abusive situations, sought the help they needed to overcome the pain/trauma of the past and are healthy, normal, fully-functioning individuals.
I'm just saying.
Signs #1,2,3 and 5, except she was not physically abused. She just displays an extremely confusing emotional roller coaster. She feels it day 1, she does not feel it on day 2. Hence our relationship only lasted a month and a half as I did not feel very safe at all in the relationship.