We all know the dating world can be very complicated; however, it can be even worse for a guy who has little ones at home. While it is very honorable to take over the responsibility of raising your children full time, many women try to stay clear of single dads who are on the dating scene. Whether you feel the following reasons are understandable or ridiculous, here are the top 5 reasons why a woman would be hesitant to get involved with a man who has children:
1. She wants her partner's kids to be her first
Women want their first child to be their partners first child and they might avoid having a relationship with a single dad because she wants all those milestones of growing up to be shared mutually between her and her children's father.
2. She doesn't want your kids
A woman may not want a ready-made family. Bearing her own children may be an important part of her life plan and she doesn’t want to start out as a stepmother when she could have her own biological children.
3. She wants you all to herself
When it comes to dating, a woman wants to feel that she is the number one person in your life and that her needs come first. With a single dad, this isn’t the case. With little ones around the house, you can’t completely let go and do wild, spontaneous things like you might at the beginning of a relationship without kids. Your commitments to your kids will seriously cut in to your couple time and she doesn’t want to compete with your kids for your time, affection and attention.
4. She doesn't want to deal with baggage
The end of a relationship is always hard and the situation with his kids’ mom probably left plenty of issues behind. Because of this, a woman may think that a single dad will have lots of emotional baggage because of his loss — whether he’s single because of divorce or death. If the mother of your children is still in the picture, the fact that there will always be another woman in your life who will be hanging around may bother her.
5. She doesn't want kids at all
The most obvious reason that a woman would not date a single dad is that she just doesn’t like kids. Contrary to popular belief, there are plenty of women out there who don’t care for children for various reasons. Think about if--if she has never pictured herself as a mom, becoming a step-mom probably isn’t in the cards either.
The better you understand these reasons, the easier it’ll be for you to put a woman's fears to rest and to have a chance at a real relationship. On the other hand, you might find that she’s too immature to handle your situation. In that case, you should move on and find someone that will embrace a guy with a big enough heart to include many people in his care.
Meeting someone when you’re a single parent is tough, but telling your child that you have met a new woman can be even harder. Along with your child’s fear of being replaced, you’ll also have to deal with his/her fear of potentially having an evil stepmother.
Such fears are, from an adult’s perspective, unfounded, but to your child, they are completely legitimate and need to be addressed. So, how do you tell your child that you’ve met someone? Here are some suggestions.
When it comes to single parents and dating, the best thing is to be honest with your children upfront. Being a single father, the best time to tell them that you have met a new woman would ideally be after sufficient time has passed and you feel that they’ve completely adjusted to you not being with their mother.
During the conversation, ask your child how he/she feels about you dating as a single dad and the fact you’ve met a new woman. Telling your child how you actually met your new woman and some of her characteristics upfront will prepare your child and make it emotionally easier for the time when they do meet the new woman in your life.
Once you have their blessing, remember--the most important step for a single father dating again is to remind your child that he/she is, and will always be, the most important person in your life and that no woman is going to come into your life and take you away from them. Give them that respect and chances are they will be happy for you.
Any woman you choose to date as a single father will impact your child in some way, so when you make the jump back into the dating scene as a single father, you have to carefully consider the qualities to look for in the woman who may one day be part of your child’s life.
Any woman that wants to be a part of your life has to understand that when you are an active single father, your kids have to be your priority. When dating as a single dad, the best woman for you has to have the ability to be a sufficient female role model for your children. She should also be fun to be with, flexible and child-friendly. Remember, you are looking for a woman who is caring and treats your kids with a lot of love, so finding out early on how a woman feels about kids will help you weed out the ones who have very little interest and/ or dislike children altogether.
The woman you're dating should be patient and understand that as a single dad, you always have to be prepared for the unexpected regardless of your child’s age, like those nights when you'll have to cancel that intimate date and rush your little one to the emergency room. A good woman will automatically understand that you have enough love in you to share with her as well. If she isn't flexible and throws tantrums when your kids dare to take your time away from her, you should stop seeing her.
Juggling between drama-queen girlfriends and your kids just does not work out. As stated earlier, any woman you choose to date as a single father will impact your child in some way, so trust your instincts and avoid any woman who gives you any wrong vibes. Chances are if your gut says no, this woman probably isn’t right for you or your children.
Most single fathers crave for the companionship of female company even more than single guys and having someone to share with, to laugh with, and to trust again. Although there's a void in your heart now that aches to be filled, prepare yourself and your kids before you become a dating single parent with the following steps:
1. Make taking care of yourself a priority
Doing this shows self-respect and it's a reflection of your personal boundaries.
2. Widen Your Circle of Friends
Make an effort to establish deeper friendships. Deeper relationships can enrich your life, and new friends will also introduce you to their friends, who might become great companions.
3. Get out of the house regularly
When your children are accustomed to your going out occasionally, and being a dating single parent won't seem like such a shock to them.
4. Be observant of relationships around you
As a dating single parent, you must pay attention to the relationships around you. Doing so can help you identify not only the type of woman you are looking for-but also the type of woman you're not.
5. Talk with your kids about dating
Take time to talk with your kids about your desire to date. Be honest with their questions and clue them in to your intentions. Make sure they know that you are looking for the right woman for you, not a replacement mother for your children.